she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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