yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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