but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
