Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
