you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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