the day after is always just damage control
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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