shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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