we're chasing vodka with high fives
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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