he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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