i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
