he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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