Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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