I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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