Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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