I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
