it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
