i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
