hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
