it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
