the new term for farting is butt boxing.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
