I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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