I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Drake has all the answers
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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