try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
