Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
