I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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