Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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