I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
