They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
