you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
where am i from again
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Randomize
