His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
