shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
