and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
