I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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