Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He? As in you personified your dick?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
