my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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