He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
