i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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