You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
