so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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