So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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