so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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