dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
