I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
you have to choose: penises or morals?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
