mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize