I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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