The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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