That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
