she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
