The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Two words: blizzard sex
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
