My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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