My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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