butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
