Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
