My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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