she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize