So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
