u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
