just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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