I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
