As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize