you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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