I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize