I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Randomize
