i think my tv is drunk
literally had 100 drinks last night.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
