do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
