Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
