he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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