Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
