watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
