Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I cannot find my penis.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
