Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
