i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
