Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
